One of my fondest memories from childhood was learning to ride my bike! I had gotten the bike for Christmas. I remember waking up and finding, a beautiful shiny bike in shades of pink and grey with the words "Sea Princess" written down the frame accented with pictures of seashells, under the Christmas tree. It was prettier than I had ever imagined! That following spring my dad taught me to ride that bike. I think one of the reasons I treasure that memory is because my dad worked two jobs most of my childhood so there was not a lot of time to do things like that together. He held the back of the banana seat to help steady me and I peddled away. I remember saying something to him and he did not respond. I turned around to see if he was still there....but he wasn't he had let go several feet back and I was peddling on my own! He was there cheering me on, encouraging me that I could do it! (As soon as I realized that he wasn't there I panicked and crashed!)
This weekend some of our friends from out of town came with their three boys for a visit. Most of the weekend the kids played outside riding their bikes around the block over and over.....there was Hunter, following along trying to keep up on his razor scooter....By Sunday evening he was done trying to keep up on the scooter. He set his mind to riding his bike on his own....and that he did! With practice and determination he taught himself to ride his bike! He came in and asked me to come out and watch, I could not help but cheer him on, yelling down the block, "You can do it! You can do it! Awesome!!"
That phrase, "You can do it." reminded me of something Luci Swindoll said at Women of Faith (in Indy). When Luci asked her roommate why she did such big extravagant things, the roommates response was, "No one told me I couldn't do it." I started to think about that.....Have I been told I could not do things? Have I told my children they could not do things?
As a mother I do find myself telling my kids "No, you can't do that." Sometimes it is for valid reasons like having cake for breakfast. But, other times I think I don't even really think about it, I just respond with a "No you can't." I want my kids to dream big, and not be boxed in by a simple phrase. I want to cheer them on and encourage them that they can do it.
But, I also realized that not only do I tell my children that they can't do it, sometimes I tell myself that. I convince myself that I cannot do things that God is calling me to. Many times it is based out of fear.... fear of failure, fear of others opinions, fear of the risk that may need to be taken, fear of the commitment it may take, sometimes it is even out of fear of thinking too much of myself. I have convinced myself for the past year that I could not write the things I know God has asked me to.
I am on a journey of stepping out of the "I can't" box and into true faith. Asking God to help me overcome the fear and do what He has asked of me. As I am maneuvering this journey there is a balance that must be maintained. A balance that reminds me that I CAN do it, but also reminds me that I, ALONE, cannot do it. A balance that is not easy to maintain, but is required. A balance that is found in two verses........
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5
- and -
"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13
Monday, August 29, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
Happiness comes from a change in Perspective.....
As sure as the sun is going to rise each day....each August the kids go back to school. Which means school supply shopping. I remember as a kid I loved getting new school supplies. It was one of the few times of year that I actually got NEW things! So, each year I try to make sort of a family event out of it. But, as we get more kids in school it gets a little more overwhelming.
I am a procrastinator. Not because I just make a choice to push it off to later, but because I have so much going on that I am always dealing with the emergent. Last week school shopping became the emergent. Monday was my only day off before school started so, I loaded all 4 kids up and headed to the store with our lists of school supplies and groceries. Two carts and two hours later our mission was accomplished with little difficulties. Now all I had to do was get it labeled and in their bags.
When we got home Monday evening I labeled all their things, and loaded their book bags. Only one thing was missing in their bags.....their pencils. The school lists asked for a combined total of 68 sharpened pencils. As I mentioned before I am a procrastinator. Last year I waited til the night before school started to sharpen all their pencils. I was up late and ended up overheating our electric pencil sharpener. This year I decided I was not going to do that. I put the very first of the 68 pencils in the electric sharpener and nothing happened....I mean nothing! It made a noise but, was definitely NOT sharpening. So, I decided to try my eyeliner sharpener. Six pencils later I decided I was going to end up with carpel tunnel in my wrist.
Tuesday I worked a 9 hour day at work. When I got home I needed to do laundry, fix supper, feed the kids, bathe them, get their school clothes ironed, pack their lunches, tuck the kids into bed and sharpened 62 pencils! My husband had an evening meeting so I was on my own for the night. On top of all the preparation for school we are also in the process of moving Josh into his own room and I was going to be out of town for the weekend so I need to clean off/out my desk in the laundry room. By the time 8:30pm rolled around most of my to do list had been checked off (except the sharpening of the pencils) and I was at the end of my rope. The kids were coming up with many excuses not to go to bed and my patience were wearing thin. I kept thinking of the 62 pencils I still needed to sharpen.
Hunter had come down stairs for the second time after being tucked in. I said "What are you doing up? I need you to go to bed so I can finish what I need to so I can go to bed." He replied, "I wanted to help you. I can sharpen the pencils." Then he said 7 little words that have haunted me all week....."I just want you to be happy." Do my kids not see me happy? I am happy, aren't I? My little guy was willing to what he could to make me "happy."
This past weekend I went with a group of ladies to Women of Faith conference in Indianapolis. One of the first sessions Dr. Henry Cloud was talking about living a happy life. He said that research has shown that circumstances only account for 10% of happiness. He began to talk about perspective.....perspective....there is that word again.....My husband just preached a message the previous Sunday on perspective. My thought was "Wow, someone in our group must need to hear about perspective. It just keeps coming up." As the weekend went on the speakers were talking about our worth coming from Christ and how valuable we are to Him. The last session Lucy Swindol spoke about enjoying life. She said, "Live Now, Love Now, Give Now!" God began to speak to my heart.
It was MY perspective that needed to change. I realized how much of my life I spend on things that don't matter in the end. I tirelessly work on keeping a clean and orderly home. Some days I feel like I am going to evolve into an ape from walking around bent over with my knuckles dragging the ground constantly picking toys and things up off the floor. I realized that I attach much of my self worth to the condition of my home. I think so often, "If I could just get the house clean..." Then, on the rare days that I do get it clean, it only lasts a few hours and I am frustrated that it is messed up again.
Not only does my perspective about my self worth need to change but, I also realized this weekend that I compartmentalize my life.....or my kids. I always plan to accomplish X,Y, and Z on my to do list and THEN I will hang out with the kids. Often times they ask if they can help with whatever I am doing. Most of the time I send them off and say, "Mommy will hang out with you when I get this done." Truth is my to do list never ends. Instead I should include them in all that I am doing around the house, teach them how to do it and enjoy that time with them. More of my focus needs to be on the legacy I am leaving in my children.....not in my house. I don't want my headstone to read "She kept a clean home."
I am working on adjusting my perspective to who I am in Christ and not on my worth based on the state of my home. And begin to remember to include my kids in all aspects of my daily life. Enjoy life with them even if my house is not clean.
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
I am a procrastinator. Not because I just make a choice to push it off to later, but because I have so much going on that I am always dealing with the emergent. Last week school shopping became the emergent. Monday was my only day off before school started so, I loaded all 4 kids up and headed to the store with our lists of school supplies and groceries. Two carts and two hours later our mission was accomplished with little difficulties. Now all I had to do was get it labeled and in their bags.
When we got home Monday evening I labeled all their things, and loaded their book bags. Only one thing was missing in their bags.....their pencils. The school lists asked for a combined total of 68 sharpened pencils. As I mentioned before I am a procrastinator. Last year I waited til the night before school started to sharpen all their pencils. I was up late and ended up overheating our electric pencil sharpener. This year I decided I was not going to do that. I put the very first of the 68 pencils in the electric sharpener and nothing happened....I mean nothing! It made a noise but, was definitely NOT sharpening. So, I decided to try my eyeliner sharpener. Six pencils later I decided I was going to end up with carpel tunnel in my wrist.
Tuesday I worked a 9 hour day at work. When I got home I needed to do laundry, fix supper, feed the kids, bathe them, get their school clothes ironed, pack their lunches, tuck the kids into bed and sharpened 62 pencils! My husband had an evening meeting so I was on my own for the night. On top of all the preparation for school we are also in the process of moving Josh into his own room and I was going to be out of town for the weekend so I need to clean off/out my desk in the laundry room. By the time 8:30pm rolled around most of my to do list had been checked off (except the sharpening of the pencils) and I was at the end of my rope. The kids were coming up with many excuses not to go to bed and my patience were wearing thin. I kept thinking of the 62 pencils I still needed to sharpen.
Hunter had come down stairs for the second time after being tucked in. I said "What are you doing up? I need you to go to bed so I can finish what I need to so I can go to bed." He replied, "I wanted to help you. I can sharpen the pencils." Then he said 7 little words that have haunted me all week....."I just want you to be happy." Do my kids not see me happy? I am happy, aren't I? My little guy was willing to what he could to make me "happy."
This past weekend I went with a group of ladies to Women of Faith conference in Indianapolis. One of the first sessions Dr. Henry Cloud was talking about living a happy life. He said that research has shown that circumstances only account for 10% of happiness. He began to talk about perspective.....perspective....there is that word again.....My husband just preached a message the previous Sunday on perspective. My thought was "Wow, someone in our group must need to hear about perspective. It just keeps coming up." As the weekend went on the speakers were talking about our worth coming from Christ and how valuable we are to Him. The last session Lucy Swindol spoke about enjoying life. She said, "Live Now, Love Now, Give Now!" God began to speak to my heart.
It was MY perspective that needed to change. I realized how much of my life I spend on things that don't matter in the end. I tirelessly work on keeping a clean and orderly home. Some days I feel like I am going to evolve into an ape from walking around bent over with my knuckles dragging the ground constantly picking toys and things up off the floor. I realized that I attach much of my self worth to the condition of my home. I think so often, "If I could just get the house clean..." Then, on the rare days that I do get it clean, it only lasts a few hours and I am frustrated that it is messed up again.
Not only does my perspective about my self worth need to change but, I also realized this weekend that I compartmentalize my life.....or my kids. I always plan to accomplish X,Y, and Z on my to do list and THEN I will hang out with the kids. Often times they ask if they can help with whatever I am doing. Most of the time I send them off and say, "Mommy will hang out with you when I get this done." Truth is my to do list never ends. Instead I should include them in all that I am doing around the house, teach them how to do it and enjoy that time with them. More of my focus needs to be on the legacy I am leaving in my children.....not in my house. I don't want my headstone to read "She kept a clean home."
I am working on adjusting my perspective to who I am in Christ and not on my worth based on the state of my home. And begin to remember to include my kids in all aspects of my daily life. Enjoy life with them even if my house is not clean.
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Canoeing or Couples Therapy??
One of the highlights of my summer is our annual canoe trip with the youth group. Each year I look forward to all the memories that are made while swimming, camping, playing the "song game" around the campfire, visiting Ally Springs and having Sunday morning church in the midst of God's creation. This year I was looking forward to much of the same especially canoeing with my man! You know...my husband and life partner.....
Jason and I have been canoe partners for the past few years and we did pretty well. Last year we only tipped once....and it was the very last turn of the 6 mile journey. So, I was anticipating much of the same this year....a nice relaxing float down the cool, clear river.....I was mistaken!!
So, we get to the river and choose our canoe. We (Jason) opted for an aluminum one. It was like sitting on a balance beam!! You had to sit perfectly dead center with perfect posture or it would tip to either side. Then we also agreed to pull one of our students on a tube tied to the back of our canoe....so we had some extra weight we were pulling.
As we were approaching the first bend in the river I was still trying to adjust and sit center in the canoe and was SO not ready to start paddling. Jason is in the back of the canoe yelling "Right! Right! Paddle on your right!!" I didn't react quick enough and we ended up running into the fallen tree that was in the water I panicked and leaned one way, Jason leaned the other and we both ended up in the river!!
Now we were already wet and I was frustrated. I was not sure which side to paddle on and was upset that Jason had yelled at me and was irritated already at me. We had barely started and I felt we had already failed.
We get back in the canoe and start down the river again. As we were trying to pick up speed to get through a low spot in the river we ran out of slack in the rope in back and almost pulled to a stop and we were---stuck, bottomed out-- on the rocks in the bottom of the river. We had not even made it through the first two turns of our journey and it seemed we were out of our canoe more than we were in it.
At one point the water ahead looked tricky and I was so frustrated trying to figure out what side of the canoe to paddle on I just jumped out of the canoe before we even had the chance to flip! I didn't want to flip again! Then, instead of getting back in the canoe I decided I would rather walk in the river than try to paddle through the obstacles.
So Jason is in the back of the canoe paddling with the nose of the canoe up in the air due to the imbalance while pulling the tuber on the back. The whole time he is saying, "Get back in the canoe!" There were people hanging out along the banks of the river watching us. One guy looked and me and said, "Did you loose your boat? You would rather walk than ride in the boat??" Another lady said, "What's the matter? You don't trust him?"
I did get back into the canoe and we joined the rest of our group at the spot we always stop to play and swim. As I sat along the water asking myself what was the matter with me I realized two things: 1. I did not really trust Jason to get us through the difficult stuff. Not that he couldn't get us through it but, He was not communicating clearly with me how we were going to get through it. and 2. I did not like feeling out of control when we tipped. I liked being in the cool refreshing water. I just wanted to be the one to make the choice to get in. Not fall in out of control.
We spent the next few miles of our journey fumbling through. Trying to maneuver around the groups of partying tubers and the fallen trees. At one point Jason looked at me and said, "Cheri, this is like marriage! You cannot bail on me and jump out of the canoe. There is no back door! Stay in this with me!"
We asked our tag along tuber to join another canoe to lighten our load a bit. After dropping the extra weight, and I learned not to panic, and Jason started communicating clearly with me about what we needed to do to conquer the upcoming obstacles we made a great team! I began to trust him fully.
Through our entire adventure I could not help but think how right Jason was. Being canoe partners was just like marriage. It takes team work, trust and communication. We had to work in sync together to survive the obstacles. I had to trust that Jason had our best interest in mind. He had to clearly communicate with me what to do and how to do it. If he didn't communicate and I didn't trust him we just ended up working against each other.
In our journey of marriage we will always face obstacles and uncertain times. Sometimes we have to get rid of things that may be weighing us down. But, if we communicate and trust one another we can make it through anything!!
Oh yeah, and I prayed ALOT that day! Prayer is another key part of a successful marriage!!
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Genesis 2:24
"So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together let man not separate." Matthew 19:6
Jason and I have been canoe partners for the past few years and we did pretty well. Last year we only tipped once....and it was the very last turn of the 6 mile journey. So, I was anticipating much of the same this year....a nice relaxing float down the cool, clear river.....I was mistaken!!
So, we get to the river and choose our canoe. We (Jason) opted for an aluminum one. It was like sitting on a balance beam!! You had to sit perfectly dead center with perfect posture or it would tip to either side. Then we also agreed to pull one of our students on a tube tied to the back of our canoe....so we had some extra weight we were pulling.
As we were approaching the first bend in the river I was still trying to adjust and sit center in the canoe and was SO not ready to start paddling. Jason is in the back of the canoe yelling "Right! Right! Paddle on your right!!" I didn't react quick enough and we ended up running into the fallen tree that was in the water I panicked and leaned one way, Jason leaned the other and we both ended up in the river!!
Now we were already wet and I was frustrated. I was not sure which side to paddle on and was upset that Jason had yelled at me and was irritated already at me. We had barely started and I felt we had already failed.
We get back in the canoe and start down the river again. As we were trying to pick up speed to get through a low spot in the river we ran out of slack in the rope in back and almost pulled to a stop and we were---stuck, bottomed out-- on the rocks in the bottom of the river. We had not even made it through the first two turns of our journey and it seemed we were out of our canoe more than we were in it.
At one point the water ahead looked tricky and I was so frustrated trying to figure out what side of the canoe to paddle on I just jumped out of the canoe before we even had the chance to flip! I didn't want to flip again! Then, instead of getting back in the canoe I decided I would rather walk in the river than try to paddle through the obstacles.
So Jason is in the back of the canoe paddling with the nose of the canoe up in the air due to the imbalance while pulling the tuber on the back. The whole time he is saying, "Get back in the canoe!" There were people hanging out along the banks of the river watching us. One guy looked and me and said, "Did you loose your boat? You would rather walk than ride in the boat??" Another lady said, "What's the matter? You don't trust him?"
I did get back into the canoe and we joined the rest of our group at the spot we always stop to play and swim. As I sat along the water asking myself what was the matter with me I realized two things: 1. I did not really trust Jason to get us through the difficult stuff. Not that he couldn't get us through it but, He was not communicating clearly with me how we were going to get through it. and 2. I did not like feeling out of control when we tipped. I liked being in the cool refreshing water. I just wanted to be the one to make the choice to get in. Not fall in out of control.
We spent the next few miles of our journey fumbling through. Trying to maneuver around the groups of partying tubers and the fallen trees. At one point Jason looked at me and said, "Cheri, this is like marriage! You cannot bail on me and jump out of the canoe. There is no back door! Stay in this with me!"
We asked our tag along tuber to join another canoe to lighten our load a bit. After dropping the extra weight, and I learned not to panic, and Jason started communicating clearly with me about what we needed to do to conquer the upcoming obstacles we made a great team! I began to trust him fully.
Through our entire adventure I could not help but think how right Jason was. Being canoe partners was just like marriage. It takes team work, trust and communication. We had to work in sync together to survive the obstacles. I had to trust that Jason had our best interest in mind. He had to clearly communicate with me what to do and how to do it. If he didn't communicate and I didn't trust him we just ended up working against each other.
In our journey of marriage we will always face obstacles and uncertain times. Sometimes we have to get rid of things that may be weighing us down. But, if we communicate and trust one another we can make it through anything!!
Oh yeah, and I prayed ALOT that day! Prayer is another key part of a successful marriage!!
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Genesis 2:24
"So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together let man not separate." Matthew 19:6
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