Joshua.....

On February 15th 2002 I became a mom for the very first time. Something I had dreamed of all my life. We had a beautiful, bouncing baby boy. I really thought he was the absolute best baby born on this earth (next to baby Jesus, of course). I remember wanting the Dr's and our friends and family recognize how special this baby, OUR baby was.

Joshua was a real "go-getter" from the beginning. He started army crawling across the floor at 4 mo old. He pulled to a stand at 5 1/2 months and was walking by 9 1/2 months. There was little to stop that boy!  He picked up on things so quickly and aced all the preschool screenings! I was so proud of him and so thankful God entrusted him to us.

Fast forward 9 yrs.....February 15, 2011 my husband and I find ourselves sitting in a conference room with the school social worker, school educator, the assist. Principal and a handful of other educators to discuss our son Joshua. I remember thinking to myself, "Nine years ago today I never would have dreamed we would be sitting here!" We were there for a "PST" meeting of Problem Solving Team meeting. Joshua has struggled with reading since kindergarten. He has been in Title 1 reading and Reading Recovery. Each semester that has gone by since 1st grade I always thought, "He's really gonna get it this time, it is gonna click and reading will become easier." But, that day never came. Now we were in this meeting to discuss his "deficiencies".  In that meeting the group of educators recommended we consent to having Joshua tested for Learning Disabilities and Special Education.

This hit me like a ton of bricks, and my heart was broken. I had so many emotions. First, I felt so much guilt. Like I was such a failure. If only I had read more to him and had him read more at home we wouldn't have been in this place. I was also worried for Josh's future, for his self esteem. Would he be "labeled"?  Would he know he was "different"? How would I explain this to him? How would I protect him from the mean kids at school?  My heart was truly broken. I was so afraid for him and what this meant.

Josh is such a wonderful, sweet, kind, compassionate kid. He LOVES to help! He is very sensitive and cares deeply for others. I didn't want this to change any of that about him.

The morning after our meeting I sat down to have my quiet time with God and my devotion took me to 2 Corinthians 12. This passage of scripture was written by Paul, and he was talking about his "thorn" of the flesh. The Bible never tells us what the thorn was, but that it was given to Paul and he asked for it to be taken away but it never was. vs 12 says "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." I felt God had answered all my fears. Paul was a great man, and did GREAT things for
God in spite of his thorn of the flesh. I felt God told me that Joshua could still do great things in spite of this thorn of the flesh. Also, I knew this was a scripture that I could share with Joshua, that his reading struggles may be his thorn of the flesh but he too could do great things. This was my gift from God to help explain this to Josh and encourage him. That morning I received such peace. There have still been tears following. But, I know God is in control and He loves Josh even more than I do.

Now, each morning when I wake up early and sit at my kitchen table to read my Bible Joshua is sitting next to me reading his kid's Bible. This week he read about how God can make the impossible possible!