"Mommy, Go back to bed!"

Tuesday morning I was getting ready for work and Jake came downstairs and says, "Mommy you need to go back to bed! You are not supposed to be up yet!" He wanted to snuggle with me before I got up. I stopped my morning routine and rocked him for a few minutes and was able to convince him to snuggle with daddy. A few minutes later Jake came walking in the bathroom again asking me to go back to bed so I could snuggle him. I said, "Jakey I am sorry, Mommy has to go to work." As a tear ran down his cheek he responded, "Sorry doesn't make it better!"........My heart broke!!

That was like the straw that broke the camel's back! The past few weeks I have really been struggling with feelings of failure....failing at parenting my children. I am not quite sure if it is vacation hangover, or adjusting to the kids being out of school but, whatever it is I have found myself mentally preparing for my kids to need a therapist to deal with how I messed them up. Then the next minute I was sure I was going to be the one to need the therapist!

As I stood at my mirror Tuesday morning dying inside because I didn't want to leave to go to work, I began to read the scripture mirror clings that have hung on my bathroom mirror for the past few years. It was like God had them placed for just that morning!! They said.....
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2 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Psalm 105:4-5 "Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always. Remember the wonders he has done"

Isaiah 41:10 "I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

As I read them I remembered the devotion I had read just a half an hour earlier that said, "Who is in charge of your life? If it is you, then you have good reason to worry. But, if it is I (God), then worry is both unnecessary and counterproductive." (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)

It was like God gave me a chance to ponder who was in charge of my life....including my parenting.....then through the scriptures on the mirror reminded me of HIS strength and that in the journey of parenting I am not alone. I KNOW that I will fail some days. I am not a perfect parent....the "perfect" earthly  parent does not exist. But, if I remember to turn the control over to God and rely on Him, He will give me the strength to be the best parent I can be!