So, Monday after leaving Josh's IEP meeting I was feeling a little defeated and like a failure. Quite frankly throughout this whole process with both of the boys I have been fighting mountains of guilt. I could not tell you how many times the thoughts have run through my head, "If only I had read to them more.....If only I had done so many things differently." I even went as far as to say to my husband, "Maybe we should have another baby and start over! I mean do EVERYTHING right!!! Like read to them EVERY day from the day of conception!!" (On a side note....contrary to a recent rumor NO!!! I am not pregnant)
On Monday morning after Josh's meeting I was walking up the stairs to the church and I was thinking about the rest of the day ahead: the little boys had t-ball practice, Josh was supposed to have his first Little League game, they would need to get all homework and spelling practice done before ball. I needed to do my weekly grocery shopping which includes coupon clipping, and add matching so, I needed to find time to do that. I still had to run to the sporting good store to get Josh baseball pants and socks to match his uniform. Then my thoughts turned to dinner that evening. What was I gonna fix and have them fed before practice at 5p.....and oh yeah, it needs to be healthy and well balanced...anything quick and easy really didn't fit those criteria!
Wow!! How overwhelmed I felt! How could I possibly do it all.....I mean all the things the "experts" say to do to raise happy, healthy, successful kids? Like, reading to them daily, spending time with each of them individually on the homework they are struggling with, make sure they have a well balanced healthy diet, make sure they are not watching too much TV, or playing too many video games....making sure they are getting plenty of exercise, encouraging and allowing them to be involved in extra curricular, and teaching them about God and raising them with morals and the list goes on and on.......then take it all times four!! ( for each of my four children) The feelings of failure again were almost overwhelming!!
Then a scripture came to mind from Luke 10 where Jesus is visiting Mary and Martha. Mary is sitting at the feet of Jesus and Martha is frantically running around the house working all the preparations. Martha was frustrated and overwhelmed and Jesus said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her."
Jesus was saying to her....you are worrying yourself about so many things but only one thing truly matters....So, I asked myself what that one thing is....then I found Psalm 127..."Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain......Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him."
I can spend all the time in the world fretting and worrying about getting it all right and probably get little "right". Or I can rely on God,give it all over to Him. Accept His grace and love to cover all my shortcomings and focus on building our home on HIM!
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