When I started this blog my intention was to focus on the lessons I have and am learning in my journey of motherhood. One dimension of my life I planned not to blog about was being a Pastor's wife....but, today that is what is on my heart to share about.....
I grew up in a pastor's home. My dad resigned when I was 15 and it turned the world I knew upside down. There were piles of anger, bitterness and unforgiveness filling my heart. By the time I was a Sr in high school I was done with "the Church" not God, just "the Church" (and its people). I met my husband in February 1998 just before graduation. If someone would have told me then that he was going to be a pastor, I would have run the other way and never looked back!!! Believe me, no one else in our lives would have believed it either. Our lives were headed in the complete opposite direction of church, and the last thing I wanted was to be anywhere near someone in ministry!! I often joke that God "tricked me"!
That fall we were both at school at SIUE and became very involved in a campus ministry. For the first time in my life my faith had become my own. As my heart began to change it was then when God laid on my heart that Jason would someday be in ministry. As years passed we married and had our first child. Jason began to talk about moving away to go to seminary. Our families lived in the same town and I had dreams of my kids graduating in blue and white!! My response to him was, "you can go to seminary; Josh and I are staying here!" Then, two years later Jason answered a newspaper add in the local paper and our life in ministry began!
It has been seven years since he answered that newspaper add. So, much has happened in that time. We moved away from our home town. Jason finished his Masters degree in seminary and was ordained in January. God completely healed my wounded heart and has given me a vision for ministry also.
But, the one thing that hasn't changed is the struggle in my heart to have "roots". When we moved here the one thing I kept saying was, "I am asking God for permanency", I want grow old in the house my kids grew up in!! But, the reality of a life in ministry is that sometimes it does require moving and if I keep holding on to "roots" I am not fully trusting God! I know in my heart that what He has planned is always far better than I could ever imagine!! And yet I still want to hold on to "roots".
Today on facebook a friend posted a link to http://utmost.org/gracious-uncertainty/. It is a devotional by Oswald Chambers. As I read it, it hit me exactly in my struggle. It said, "The nature of the spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty. Consequently, we do not put down roots." Wow! I felt like it was written just for me! The whole thing is that we can never be certain of anything except God and have faith in Him, not what we can see. This devotional was not written to "pastor's wives" but to all Christians. We all must put our hope and faith in nothing but HIM!
One of my favorite scriptures is Matthew 6:34 "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." I don't know what tomorrow holds for my family and I. I need to quit worrying about what 10 years down the road looks like for us and focus on what God has given me today! His plans are better than our plans and His ways better than our ways!
I have often heard a quote "the only thing certain in life is death and taxes". I would change that to "death, taxes, and God's amazing love!"
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